White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
