my mouth tastes like poor choices
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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