i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
