My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
