There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
