Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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