I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
