i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
