I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
