why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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