I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
