thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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