So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize