we have pet lesbian snakes
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
