it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You can't motorboat a personality
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize