Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
