she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize