please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
