So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just found a bag of teeth...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
