It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
