i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
