My first STD was from a foam party
North Korea, Best Korea!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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