hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
