why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's the barista slut.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
