you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize