When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
