I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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