I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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