The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
