i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
