It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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