The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
