I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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