you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
