I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
