What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
