Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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