just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
