Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
