alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
