I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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