do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Please don't give away my fajitas
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
