The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
