God, you're like boner-b-gone
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
