Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
