I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
