He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I want her autograph on my taint
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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