What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize