I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
