I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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