Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
