you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
