oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
