Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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