party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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