Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
