I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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