My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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