ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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