Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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