I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
