I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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