wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
