yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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