true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
