so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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