Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
