i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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