I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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