My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
