And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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