i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We have started to decorate penises.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
