Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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