I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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