i really wish james franco would like my vagina
did i walk over a car last night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
