R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
