i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
