Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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