hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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