I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
