I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
