I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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