I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
