textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
