I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
