So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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