just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
