State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
