I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
