Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she told me i tasted like america
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
