Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
