I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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