I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
