Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
