I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
