I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
