ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
